Just watched...

The last episode of Lost for the first time. i think it was good but leaves so many questions. Also im leaving this here to see if anyone actually comes to this anymore and stuff. lol sad face for the end of lost but glad its over. Now to another series!

Fear Factor Blog 10:

Fear Factor Blog 10:
Advice for relationships is something I try real hard not to do, unless it involves ones’ mental or physical health. If my hand were forced to do so, however, I would have to say that making every relationship the one that was going to make or break us is not the best approach. Build small relationships and let them become whatever they are to be. I feel we become devastated only by the things that we let devastate us. I think it is easier to commit and avoid feelings of rejection if we know we have first done everything possible not to set ourselves up for the ability to be hurt so harshly.

Diversity Blog 8:

Diversity Blog 8:
This happens more often depending on what city/state I’m working in. But, I learned that in order to stay in the good graces of an employer one can always depend on their ability to display professional values and business etiquette. I would have to say that when I work in certain areas I notice this being less of a notion than I choose make of it. This can easily have to do with the lack of education. Not only should we always hold ourselves to a higher standard but, I feel companies/employers should make an effort to train employees on how to conduct themselves. SAC could really benefit from this.

Love Addiction Blog 6

Love Addiction Blog 6:
Okay, I can see why I skipped over this one…
Hi, my name is Matthew and I’m a love addict!
I truly have no idea how people can be addicted to love, or if I am. I do know that this is one vice I don’t mind having. And if the first step to addressing an issue is to admit that you have one, well, than not only do I admit having one but, I look forward to struggling with this fine emotion for the rest of my days… heartbreak and all.

Helpful Reminders....

Can't believe this semester is almost over and our Tuesday and Thursday "breakfast club" will not be meeting together anymore.  I hope you guys do continue to use this blog to keep in touch, support each other, and share enlightening news and thoughts with each other (serious or not) :)

However, just wanted to remind y'all of a couple of things before we officially end this semester:

1) If you missed a blog (there are 10 of them), you can still post a late comment for 1/2 credit (5pts).  I'll do one last blog check Friday night at midnight.

2) We will be finishing the last of our movie analysis presentations Thursday at 9:55 in class and having our breakfast potluck.  Hence, don't forget to bring something to share!  I'll take care of paper plates, cups, napkins, plastic wear, etc.

See you all there!

Karin

I started existing in flux....

To avoid building up scars.

Honestly in order to get over the fear of commitment you just have to nut up and walk tall after a devastating break up. If something doesn't kill you, walk it off.

Is anyone else up for keeping this blog going as a place to just talk about random crap?

thoughts of a girl..

Our last blog.. it seems like this class went by so fast. Kudos to Professor Wilking. A great last blog topic and an amazing teacher. I'm in a very nostalgic mood, so forgive my long blog. I don't expect many of you to read it or think I know what I'm talking about, but this is my experience with relationships, knowledge, and advice I have to share with anyone who is willing to listen to this 17-year-old girl.

A year ago the most meaningful relationship I've had came to an end. I'd been with him for over a year and I messed it up. We were.. so amazing together. Everything flowed perfectly, we understood each other, made it through family and other issues together, and were really in sync. Conversations.. just happened. There was no thinking about what to say, worrying about being rejected, or any other issues that usually happen. We talked things out and made solutions that worked for both of us. I've never felt so connected to someone before him or sense. When it ended I wen't through everything described in our blog topic. "It can leave one emotionally immobilized, stagnated, depressed and lead to self-destructive, self-defeating irrational behaviors, and regression." Saying I was extremely hurt and broken was an understatement. I realize it's stupid to get that attached to someone at a young age, but I was nonetheless. It's also stupid that thinking about this still brings up a lump in my throat.. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I know first hand how ending a meaningful relationship can effect someone.

Even though I went through that, and it still hurts a bit, my view on relationships and life is as Steven Coallier said, "Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway." Life is too short to be sad. It really, really is. Relationships are beautiful. Their fun, exciting, supportive, and amazing. So, jump in and don't look back. Whenever you fall in love, you give your heart to someone and with that comes pain. It's going to happen, so enjoy every moment you have while it lasts. And that's all I have to say.

Cheers everyone.

Good luck wherever your life my take you.

Audrey Elizabeth

Dear Room 229- Last Blog (10)

We have spent the last semester exploring all facets of interpersonal communication together.  Now it's your turn to offer some advice on the subject.  Life's many complexities leaves many scars. The fear of rejection and commitment is a common scar left after the ending of a meaningful relationship. It can leave one emotionally immobilized, stagnated, depressed and lead to self-destructive, self-defeating irrational behaviors, and regression. Share with us, how you think one can learn to overcome their fear of commitment and rejection and be open again to engage in current and future relationships.

Gang Affiliation

This is one of the more detrimental examples. Especially when you are growing up in households that offer no means of stability, identity, safety, or inclusion. Usually young boys, of similar situations will bond together and create synthetic versions of these missing elements. Because these children have no real experience or guidelines for creating their rules and the discipline to follow them, usually an outsider is seen as a threat. Also, because boundaries are never established and because the pecking order changes constantly, those outsiders are usually treated with the maturity of pissed off teenagers. I guess that's kind of the only group think I had experience with.

Groupthink

One main Groupthink situation I can think of is the History of a lot of religious sects, most notably Christianity and its adherents. It has a history of having a huge following and one of the main reasons of that was because they were not allowed to believe in other gods or no gods. You would be put on trial for heresy if you were atheist or had different views and/or ideas. For example, Galileo was charged with heresy for supporting heliocentric views which led to him being put under house arrest. Another example is Socrates. He was killed for being suspected in teaching people of gods different from that of the state. He claimed he believed in the same ones and stated his point but was still charged with heresy which led to his execution. In these era's people were basically forced to think or believe (or act to think or believe) in the same thing as the rest of the state or country. In order to prevent leading to Groupthink situations I believe you need people to be independent and sturdy. They need to have a mind that isn't completely passive and can actually think for its self and not let others think for it. They need to be able to come up with their own ideas.

Groupthink: Homeschool

My example is a first hand observation. As some of you know, I was home schooled from 7th grade until the end of high school. I participated in a home school group that would have activities for home schooled children and teens. Some of these kids fit the typical home schooled stereo type. They were very sheltered and had limited social skills. I think this can be attributed to a type of groupthink. The parents keep their family in a tight group, instill their values, and don't expose their children to anything else often.

To avoid groupthink people should make sure their exposed to different social experiences. Make new friends.. become acculturated basically. Don't hang out with the same group of friends over and over.. go out with different people. Learn about different perspectives. Be an individual. Make up your own mind.

Cheers,

Audrey

Groupthink vs. What you think?

Hitler and his Nazi regime is a good example of Groupthink in a extreme way. The reason this is a good example is because he promised the German people that he could help them reach the best possible way out of their crisis. It wasn't long after he was voted into office he started his regime. He took advantage of his people's weak state of mind to abused his power turning the German nation from a democratic nation to something smiler to a dictatorship. Having this power he wanted to wipe out every citizen who wasn't blond haired and blue eyed and started to kill off millions of Jewish people. This situation relates to Groupthink is because he influenced all the people in the nation to believe in his ideals.

As human beings I don't really think that it is possible to avoid Groupthink all together because we trust in one person to represent the whole nation (i.e. our congressmen). One way to avoid Groupthink all together is to not put yourself in a position where Groupthink is happening. However, I know that not putting yourself in that position of Groupthink is easier said then done, but I think that some Groupthink is healthy for every individual. Although some group is healthy for every individual, the only thing I can think of is to not put yourself in a bad position of Groupthink.

ARE 3 HEADS REALLY BETTER THAN 1? Blog 9

In the movie we are watching in class "Failure to Launch", Trip and his buddies are in their mid 30s and all still live at home with their parents.  Some may argue that one of the reasons for their "failure to launch" is because of Groupthink.  The term Groupthink was coined by social psychologist Irving Janis (1972). It is when a group makes faulty decisions because group pressures lead to a deterioration of “mental efficiency, reality testing, and moral judgment”.  Groups affected by groupthink ignore alternatives and tend to take irrational actions that dehumanize other groups. A group is especially vulnerable to groupthink when its members are similar in background, when the group is insulated from outside opinions, and when there are no clear rules for decision making. It is like peer pressure on steriods.

Share another example of Groupthink in action that you know from history, personal experience or observation. Because we are social beings, we are all prone to Groupthink. What might we do to prevent becoming prey to the power of Groupthink?

Diverrsity in my workplace...

I work in the Peer Educator office, and we have two unique indivuidals working with us in our office.
The two are always bumping heads because the differences between them two are by a very wide margin. One of the two is from Jamaica and the other is from the Kansas City. There are many differences between them, but for this situation I will be concentrating on tone of voice and differences in value and eitquette.
The one from Jamaica is real religious, and the other one from Kansas City is religious but he does not take it as seriously as the other one does.
They're both very out-spoken and likes to voice his oppinion a lot. When the two hear something they disagree with, it tends to piss off the other person. Heated discussions are started, and it eventually leads them not to talk to one another and it forces us their co-workers to choice sides.
She kind of bothers everyone around her, but we have to learn to ignore her comments.

Room 229: DIVERSITY IN THE WORKPLACE- BLOG 8

Language barriers I find are a big part of diversity. I just finished my student Development class the Saturday before last, there was a Portuguese girl at my table and in a 9 hr class I knew we were gonna have to work together and talk. So I started to talk to her and she had a surprisingly good English, just with a really hard accent. At first it was hard to talk to here and understand what she was saying but toward the end of the class we had to take a exam and we could talk throughout my table. I was glad that I decided to talk to her and hang out during the class rather than clustering with other people in the class who would be easier to relate to. So when the Exam rolled around I had already been talking to her, I could understand her accent in her English and it really made the group exam easier than if I would have just started talking to her towards the end.

DIVERSITY IN THE WORKPLACE- BLOG 8

Studies show that 52% of people perfer to work with people like themselves. This begs the question, "What about diversity in the workplace?" Since most of us cannot choose who we will have to communicate with at work, how do we navigate through the complexities of a multicultural workplace? The top 4 diversity issues that cause problems are:

1. Language Differences
2. Differences in Values and Etiquette
3. Tone of voice
4. "Clustering" (hanging out with others from similar backgrounds)

Post an example of how a difference in one of these areas has caused a misunderstanding due to diversity. Offer some suggestions on how you think communication between people from diverse backgrounds can relate better to each other.

Test 2 Review

Hey everyone. Here's the review I'm using for our test on Thursday. I'd highly recommend printing it out just in case Professor decides to give us 15 minutes of open book/open notes like our last test. Our last test seemed to be more of an every day application of the things we learned so, keep that in mind. Also, make sure you know the NAMES of things and what they are. In our last test Professor gave an example and asked what it was. (At least to me that's how it was) I'd also recommend flash cards for this reason.

You'll see a couple question marks. These are things that I myself don't know. Feel free to fill me in on what they are. Don't laugh at how my brain works and therefore how I write my review. If you don't understand something, feel free to comment and I'll answer to the best of my abilities. Without further delay, here it is:

1. Love types

· Eros: Powerful, passionate style that blazes to life suddenly and dramatically.

· Storge: Comfortable, even-keeled style based on friendship and compatibility.

· Ludus: Playful, game filled style based on non-commitment. “The Player.”

· Pragama: Practical love, have criteria for partner. Blend of Ludus and Storge styles.

· Mania: Possessive dependent love Experience emotional extremes, passion of Eros with game playing of Ludus.

· Agape: Selfless unconditional love, Forgiving-passion of Eros with the stability of Storge.

2. Gender communication

a. How men and women think:

· Women: Globally, both sides of the brain, always on, quick fire.

· Men: Compartments, nothing box, slow & steady, bottom line

b. How men and women communicate

· Women: Details, hints, changing pitch, give listening cues.

· Men: Headlines, monotone, no listening cues.

c. How to communicate better with men and women

· Women: Speak in headlines, stay one pitch, figure out what compartment he’s in.

· Men: Use details, change up the pitch, give listening clues

3. Conflict resolution

a. Communication styles by Cat & Alexander-think people need to have behavior flexibility

· Relater: Open and Slow. Submits to conflict and wants to be liked. Usually in helping professions. Makes office homey. Good listeners.

· Thinker: Closed and Slow. Avoids conflict and likes to be right. Tends to be analytical and stubborn. Has a sterile work place. Likes to think things through and research them. Is detail orientated. Has conservative, repetitive clothing style.

· Socializer: Open and Fast. Confronts conflict and wants to be noticed. Tend to be unorganized, but know where everything is. Has trendy clothes and a flashy car. Is spontaneous.

· Director: Closed and Fast. Directs in conflict and likes to be productive. Is very task orientated. Likes big status objects in office (big desk and chair)-status conscious. Blunt/insensitive.

b. When relating to each other: (Imagine picture and it’s easy)

· Relater-thinker: close it off. Relater-Socializer: speed it up. Relater-director: Close and speed up.

· Thinker-Relater: Open up. Thinker-Socializer: Open and Speed up. Thinker-Director: speed up.

· Socializer-Director: Close. Socializer-Relater: Slow down. Socializer-Thinker: close and slow down.

· Director-Relater: Open up & slow down Director –Thinker: Slow down. Director-Socializer: Speed up.

4. Attraction

a. Attraction theory-We’re attracted because of 3 things

1. Physical (Appearances)

2. Similarities (Personality, likes & dislikes)

3. Proximity (We can’t be attracted to someone we don’t interact with)

b. The Brain in Love

· Dopamine

· Women’s testosterone rises so they stop running “you caught me”

· Men’s testosterone lowers

c. Love Addiction

5. Stages of a relationship

a. Knapp Model of Communication: The three circles with stairs inside them.

· Coming together: (3 steps up)

1. Initiating-first meeting

2. Experimenting-getting to know each other.

3. Intensifying-adding more breadth and depth.

· Relationship Maintenance: (2 steps up, 2 steps down)

4. Integrating-combining friends, hobbies... etc.

5. Bonding-?

6. Differentiating-doing things apart

7. Circumscribing-doing more things apart.

· Separating: (3 steps down)

8. Stagnating-relationship isn’t going anywhere

9. Avoiding-avoiding each other

10. Termination-relationship over.

b. Relationship Development Theories

· Social exchange theory: Do the costs outweigh the rewards?

-Costs=time, money -Rewards=love, attention.

· Interpersonal needs theory: If one fails the other two compensate. 3 points: 1. Affection-desire to be loved/validated 2. Inclusion-people feel the need to be included/belong 3. Control-control over our environment and have a sense of order.

· Equity theory: Take off social exchange. Are the costs and rewards equal?

My costs = Their costs

My rewards = Their rewards

· Social penetration theory: “Shrek Theory”-we all have layers. Uses breadth and depth.

-High breadth and low depth=superficial

-Low breadth and high depth=focused (like on gamming or work)

-High breadth and high depth=deep relationship

· Physical arousal theory: Whenever were physically aroused (not necessarily sexually) we equate that to the person we’re with. (smell of fresh baked cookies at grandmas house, or endorphins-aka happiness-from jumping out of a plain with a friend)

c. Intimacy

· Reasons to maintain a relationship

1. Emotional Attachment

2. Convenience

3. Children

4. Fear

5. Financial considerations

6. Inertia-?

7. Commitment

· Maintenance behaviors

1. Prosocial-politeness, avoiding criticism, comprise, self-sacrifice

2. Ceremonial-birthdays, anniversaries

3. Communication-calling just to say “I love you,” open and honest discussions, resolving conflicts in a positive manner

4. Togetherness-being a couple, controlling extra-relational activities (date night)

d.Deterioration

1. Stages

· Breakdown-Experiencing dissatisfaction

· Intrapsychic- privately complaining to others

· Dyadic-discussing problems with your partner

· Social-seeking support and empathy from others

· grave-dressing-creating a story and closure rituals

2. Signs of deterioration

a. Criticism-instead of merely complaining, the person attacks and blames their partner’s personality and/or character. Such as, “You’re selfish.”

b. Contempt-feedback with the intent to insult and/or psychologically abuse the partner. Such as, “You’re more than stupid, you’re a total idiot.”

c. Defensiveness-not being willing to listen to anything your partner has to say to you, out of fear of them hurting or attacking you.

d. Stonewalling-ignoring, avoiding, and distancing from your partner

e. Escalation of Negativity-during the couples’ interaction-an increase in complaining and criticism

f. Invalidation of each other-not making attempts to understand each other’s points of view.

g. Negative interpretation of neutral or positive events-when one person does or says something which is clearly meant to be neutral or even positive, but their partner interprets their intentions as being hostile or negative

e. Dissolution- Indirect and Direct Break-up strategies

ii. Indirect

1. Withdrawal-avoid, don’t answer phone/emails/knock on door

2. Psuedo De-Escalation-fake “Lets take a break” or “I need some space”

3. Cost Escalation-raise the cost of being in the relationship and lower the rewards

iii. Direct

1. Negative Identity-better off alone, something’s wrong with you (culture, religion)

2. Positive Tone-“It’s not you, it’s me”

3. Justification- Only positive strategy-honest, give reasons for separating

4. De-Escalation-Sincere “Lets be friends”

f. Getting over a break-up

iv. Break the loneliness-depression cycle

v. Take time out-don’t jump into another relationship

vi. Remove or avoid uncomfortable symbols

vii. Avoid repeating negative patterns (like visiting place you went together)

g. High risk factors for relationships

· Age-Male 9 years or more older/marry before 25-twice as likely to divorce

· Children-same or previous relationship-20% gets divorced. Or if the women wants them more.

· Divorce-16% of couples whose parents got divorced get divorced themselves. 10% stay together.

· Previous marriages-90% more likely to divorce if on 2^nd or 3^rd marriage

· Money-16% who considered themselves “poor” or if the husband was unemployed ended up separating. Only 9% who were financially healthy get divorced. Wife’s employment status didn’t matter.

· Smoking-One smokes, one doesn’t. If both smoked it was alright.

h. Intercultural Communication

· Culture- Beliefs, values, norms

· Enculturation-passed down from generation to generation

· Acculturation-learned from environment & being exposed to other cultures

· Specifically-?

Good luck!

-Audrey

Disclaimer: I'm not responsible if this information is wrong or if you fail your test. This is simply what *I* am using. Having said that, I didn't try to screw you over. If you get screwed over then I will be also.

Its Over...cuz its OVER!

I agree with what most of what all of you said, It most definately depends on the person and the situation. I think that break ups mostly occur due to the fact that each of the individuals aren't 100% sure of the relationship anymore, naturally distance happens and several diverse factors follow.

Personally my break ups have been horrible except for like one which was a misunderstanding. As most of you know I have the crazy stalker guy that clearly didn't handle the break up too well, then the next break up was caused by a misunderstanding where this girl that worked with my bf at the time set him up to make it look like he had cheated on, therefore causing me to walking in and throw an amazing relationship down the drain...good news is that after about at year (haha)both him and I were able to become good friends and have become the best of friends today.

My last break up was completely and utterly horrid!!! Long story short, I end up rushed to the ER can't walk for three days next thing I knw he's having sex with my "best friend" and I find out thru a mutual friend that 80% of the relationship was bs...Thank God I broke that off in time!! And people wonder why I have trust issues...

When is it over?

I would have to say that I know its over when one or the other starts dating comfortably. I would hate to think that an ex was just cut off by the other because the relationship is over. I would say that there is a sense of responsibility that I have towards someone who has spent so much time letting their gaurd down for me. To just have them cast aside and not provide ANY emotional recovery period until they are comfortable out there is not with in my character. Now, does that work for everyone, no. And trust me, its not always a joy to be the first one to get that call about the new love interest, but I'd pick up the phone everytime.

I know its finally over when...

I tend to trust my senses on this one.

Generally once I go completely indifferent to someone, and my senses don't crave the stimuli that she produced, I know its over. If I can still remember her touch, or just randomly smell her for no reason I know that I'm still not completely over her. Yes, everyone has a unique smell to them, and you do tend to remember that smell. And yes, I do realize that sounds weird.

You know when you know

There are multiplies reasons you know a relationship is over but the one reason I’m going to give is when you and the other person have nothing in common anymore. When you or the other person is not the same people you were when you first got together you know it’s time to end the relationship. For me I know when it’s time to stop trying to rekindle the fire when the other person stops wanting to be your friend because you still want to be friends but it’s the other person that doesn’t want to have an intimate relationship with you. I think you know when to move on when that other person is no longer a priority in your life.

Options

If you're still in love with them:

Option 1: I think your best bet is to judge how your partner is feeling about the relationship. If they're blowing you off and don't care about it any more, then it's time to move on even if it will hurt.

Option 2: If your partner still loves you and wants to make it work, then give it another try! Rekindle away! If you both want your relationship to work, and are willing to do your part, it will most likely succeed.

If you're not in love with them any more:

Option 1: If your partner doesn't love you, want to spend time with you, or talk to you any more then there's no point in trying again. You've both basically started to move on. It's time to jump off that wagon. The ship has set sail.

Option 2: If your partner still loves you, but you don't love them in return. This is hardest of all for me. I think your best bet is looking at the relationship honestly. Yeah, you're gonna hurt your partner, but if you really see no future in that relationship, then treat it like a band-aid. Rip it off and let it be done with. It will only hurt them more the longer you let it go on.

When am I ready to move on?

After a break up I don't think anyone is really "ready" to move on. Unless, of course, you're the one who ended it. For me, I try to get closure in the relationship. Closure meaning you talk about what went wrong, why it's not working, why you need to separate. I'm kind of a logical person, so it helps knowing. However, I'm not trying to rekindle here. If you had a nasty break up and getting closure ends up being more of talking it out, then you could get back together when things are solved. Usually though, once they leave.. they mean it. So, don't think that talking it out will suddenly change their mind. It's purely a strategy to help you move on.

For girls at least, we like to talk about it with a friend, cry it out, and those sorts of things. The biggest part of knowing if you're ready to move on is if you've accepted it. If you're still trying to get back together, then chances are you're not ready. However, you can accept it and still not be ready to move on. It's hard to say, "This means you're ready." It's more of a personal thing. Some characteristics I would associate with being ready are: acceptance, closure, realizing you're still worth something without that person, flirting with new potential partners.. etc.

-Audrey

It's Over......Maybe?- POST 7

Break ups are usually messy. Your book doesn't talk about all of the tug-of-wars that happen after dissolution. (Getting back together over and over, trying to be "friends", jealousy when you see them with someone new, etc.) During this time, it's difficult to know when the relationship is completely over and it's time to move on. Share with us your thoughts and experiences on this whole "after the dissolution" phase. How do you know when it's REALLY over? When do you stop trying to rekindle the fire? When do you know that you're ready to move on?

Self-Esteem

Why do people become love addicts? I'd say it's mostly a self-esteem issue. People who are love addicts need someone to be with them, care for them, show affection, and make them feel worth something.

On the other hand, people with high self-esteem tend to understand love is not everything. These kinds of people understand who they are and do not need someone to hold them up. They're confident. Because of this, they are able to see love as something not necessary. Yes, it's wonderful, but not "I'm falling to pieces without someone."

make love not war

i am slightly prone to love addiction, i believe that it is better to have a little addition to love than to not love at all. it is a matter of control that is important, as it is with any drug. i think that some people may develop love addiction because of neglect as a child but that is not always true. i was shown alot of love and affection as a child and maybe that taste for love stayed with me. yes, i need it. whether it is with a romantic partner or family or friends or even loving myself. love is very important in our world and there is just not enough of it. when i was in my worst love addiction i was determined to love him whether he was mine or not. and he always knew even though we werent together i would always be there for him if he needed me.

Loving is not a crime!

Love is like a drug and people become addicted to drugs so a love addict feels like they could not live without love. However, I think that when you are in true love with someone you'll never find that same feeling with anybody else. You can come close to that feeling but it will never be the same. When people say they have never been in love they are either lying to you or holding the truth from you because experiencing love is the most powerful feeling ever known to man that nobody will ever forget.

I do believe that the actual chemicals that are released in your brain are a matter of biology. Love can make a person do crazy things; things that he or she would not do if they were in their right mind. I think that if love can make you do things that you will not normally do, then "yes" I would say that love is a biological factor.

Non-Addict

I think that people are love addicted have either been rejected in their childhoods and haven't been showed affection therefore they'll do nearly anything to get it to the point to where it becomes obbessive, they feel like the attention from their partner is essential to everyday living. I like to think that self esteem, attachment styles and prbly all of those factors can cause love addiction. Love addiction can also be a very dangerous and sad state in which a person can find themselves. A word of caution: Be careful who you fall for...

Post 6- Why Is Love A Drug For Some?

Love Addict Test  

Take the self-quiz at the link above and see if you are a love addict.  Now that we know that love creates dopamine in the brain similar to many drugs like cocaine and meth, we can now understand how many can become addicted to being in love.

Why do you think some people fall in love and become love addicts while others fall in love but do not?  Do you think that it's a matter of biology? Life scripts? Attachment styles? Self-esteem? etc.

I agree that love can exist with out lust. Both I feel play major roles in intimacy. I think it is important, if looking for meaningful relationships, that love be established. I would have to say from experience though, that lust is a very impatient participant when started a new love with someone. This can be a fun ride, but if not taken seriously can ultimately lead to menial relationships.

Love is complicated, Lust is simple

Love is complicated. It is putting their wants and needs before your own. It is the fighting and the making up. Love is accepting each others differences. Lust is simple. There is nothing to accept you just get what you want and be on your way. There are no strings attached. But loving someone is adding them to the definition of who you are and it changes you forever.

Love, Lust, or Both...

To answer to the first question, can a human being love without the impulse of lust, is yes a person can love without lust.

In order to love someone you have to understand what the definition of love is. There is no exact definition of love but I think the definition giving in the bible is fairly accurate to me. It states,

"Love is patient, love is kind, love is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, love is unconditional and one does not expect love in return, love does not cause any kind of aggravation, love does not judge you on the wrong you have done, love is pure and rejoices with the truth. Love believes all these things, hopes for the best, and endures all."

However, you can lust and love at the same time. It really just depends on the individual that is doing the loving.

Love, Lust, or.. Both?

Many people confuse love and lust, but they are actually very different. And yet they are also intertwined so much it's just about impossible to have one without the other in a successful relationship. They both work together to form a beautiful lasting bond. Without love, one would end their relationship at the first sign of trouble. It's not worth it for one to live through stress with no connection to the other. Without lust, one would be unable to satisfy a basic human desire and therefore be unhappy with their relationship. Here are a couple characteristics of each:

Lust:

• You're totally focused on their looks and body.
• You don't care about anything they have to say.
• You don't want to spend time with them outside of the bedroom.
• After you're finished, you look for the easiest way to leave. No cuddling, no breakfast the next morning, just "I gotta go."

Love:

• You make time for the person and include them in your plans.
• You get lost in your conversations, and the hours pass like minutes.
• You introduce them to others close to you and do your best to help them get along.
• And the biggest one to me: You see a future together.

What is LOVE????

I read this from one of my students and thought that this would be a great blog topic, so have at it...

Can a human being experience love without the impulse of lust?  Lust here meaning the craving for sex.  How does one know when they are in love and not just having a deceptive feeling of lust?  Sex is a natural thing- it helps in keeping a species alive.  Human beings are animals that need to reproduce as well.  On the other hand, we are rational beings and experience sentiment and rationality.  In order to know that difference between both, both must be defined.  So the real question is....what is LOVE????  And how can you tell if someone is in love with you and not just lusting after you?

No luck...

Pick up lines were like the excuses I used in middle school... I only had a few good ones, and it was hit and miss if either ever worked. But for my young men in the class ----(Ladies, no peeking.)----
Women love flattering!

Um yeah...

Well I'm proud to say that’s I have never used a cheesy pick up line. That isn’t to say I have never heard them like on TV and on Movies. However, I have never been fortunate enough to hear one in person. If I were to hear one in real life I probably would start laughing uncontrollably.
I know it’s childish, but I have someone check and see if I would be liked. That way I’m almost guaranteed not to get shot down, but in life there are no guarantee’s in life. Say the girl thinks you’re cute, but you meet and there is no chemistry between you.
Yet, the way I think girls like best is approach her with confidence, be truthful but respectful, and don't trip over your words. When I say don't trip over your words, is know what you're going to say, and say it with confidence.

The Pick-Up Artist Blog Post # 4

Studies show that we have approximately 4 minutes in the contact stage to make a good impression.   And based on that first impression, many of us make up our minds on whether or not we want to pursue the relationship to the next level or just remain acquaintances.

Share with us your favorite pick-up lines (funny, serious, cheesy, etc).  From your own experiences, do they work?  What do you think is the best "pick-up" strategy? (Leave a green dangly earring behind? Put your phone number in their phone?)  Let's see what you can come up with!

EQ more useful

i would rather have a higher EQ than IQ. EQ is something that you have to come to terms with on your own, it can't really be taught. Also, with a higher understanding of your nature and yourself it is easier to take in and process new information and help you develop a higher IQ. I feel it is better to be emotionally stable than to be a brainiac. Many of the really smart people i have met are actually too smart for their own good, and it creates problems with their jobs.

Making the Shift...

I like the transition made from IQ/EQ to Hard Skills/Soft Skills. These things have played major roles in the many, many years of my life. There is another test I was made aware of when I was younger. It identified personality "types" that one would be placed across after answering questions designed to create a blueprint to that individual’s "type". I'll provide the link so everyone can play along if they'd like to. However, when looking at the labels, that test like these would have us carry, it truly boils down to how well you know yourself. Get a great IQ score... you're borderline crazy. Get one lower than a friend or classmate... you're not adequate. Be responsible with your strengths, always improve on your weaknesses, watch your manners, and you’ll do fine in this world.

Here's the link: http://www.keirsey.com/

Hard Skills vs Soft Skills

There are two kinds of skills one can have. Hard skills and soft skills. Hard skills are the knowledge needed to perform a particular job. Some examples of hard skills are: knowing how to operate a computer, how to create a portfolio, and where to place the needle to draw blood from a vain. Hard skills are essential to qualify for a job-without them you wouldn't even get an interview. I equate hard skills to your IQ.

Even though hard skills are necessary to get a job, you need soft skills if you want to keep that job or advance in it. This is simply because everyone who gets hired comes with hard skills. Therefore, career success is dependent upon soft skills. Soft skills include taking responsibility, making effective decisions, setting goals, managing time, prioritizing tasks, persevering, giving strong efforts, working well in teams, communicating effectively, having empathy, knowing how to learn, exhibiting self-control, and believing in one's own self-worth. For this, I identify soft skills as ones EQ.

Ones EQ is portable, unlike many hard skills. For example: software gets updated constantly. By the time one has finished learning how one software works they will likely not use it for very long before a new version comes out. Yes, one could argue that a person will always have the knowledge of that outdated software, but that's what it is-outdated and therefore useless. Soft skills, however, will stay with you and forever be the same wherever one goes. They will always be necessary and employers will always look for them in people. One study suggests that only 15% of workers lose their jobs because they can't do the work. Our world is constantly evolving and coming out with the next thing. In fact, ¼ of workers in the United States today are in occupations that didn't even exist a few decades ago.

For these reasons I conclude that hard skills are important, but soft skills are more important. I personally would rather have an abundant amount of soft skills over hard skills. Hard skills can always be taught, while soft skills are more like habits, which are harder to gain. I think one career specialist put it best by saying, "Having hard skills gets you hired; lacking soft skills gets you fired."

EQ vs. IQ a hard to make

Its hard to determine which one I would rather have more. In my opinion, I think anybody with any kind of sense would like to have a balance between EQ and IQ. Knowing my personal opinion on the matter I really think that it is unfair to be forced to choose one or the other, but if I have to choose one I would rather have a high EQ because with a high EQ their are a lot of chances to be a success in life. Having a high IQ would give you opportunities for success and might take a lot less time, but a having a high EQ helps you and other people feel better themselves which further down the line might lead helping you become a success.

IQ vs. EQ - Week 3 Post

In 1995, Goleman did a study and wrote a book on Emotional Quotient (EQ). He argued that one's EQ is more important their IQ (Intelligence Quotient) in predicting a person's success in life. What do you think?

1) Take the EQ test at: www.ihhp.com/quiz.php
2) Post your answer to this question: If you had to choose, would you rather have a high IQ or EQ? Why?

Lies and excuses are a natural part of communication……

Let me begin by saying that excuses lies are wrong. In stating that fact we all know there are times a person will give us an excuse or a lie, and instead of calling them out on their lie we turn the other cheek. Often people say it is the truth, but the both of you know it’s a lie. I’m not trying to say you can always tell when somebody is lying. Yet, I am saying that some individuals exude certain nonverbal characteristics. (E.g) Sweatiness, direct eye contact avoidance, felling the needs to swallow after each answer among many others. Personally I have never caught anyone in a lie that was bad enough to effect my relationship with them. That can say one of two things about me or maybe both are true. One I may be to naive to notice I’m being lied to. Or two I could just no give a damn.

Excuses and Lies

In my life I've learned that people would lie or make excuses are not worthy of my friendship. The kind of people that feel like everyone else's is on their schedule or that the world revolves around them aren't good influence to expose yourself too. I had one friend that would set up plans and events like trips to ranches or to movies get like 4 people excited to go then the night before he calls and makes up some BS excuse on why he had to cancel. It's just people like that, that I try not to involve myself with.

Waiters Lie!

There are several people who make excuses to me at work all the time. I ask them to work for me and it is so obvious that they are making something up. I think it's the hesitation in there voice that gives it away. Dude, if you don't want to just say so. 

Excuses...

Eye contact is a dead give away for me... especially if I'm looking for it. If the subject is of any importance to me I will pursue eye contact. There is so much information one can gather through this form of nonverbal communication. There are those that can read this information like a book, and lord knows I've done my share of reading. I have to say that deliberate excuses are a stop short of lying, which I can't stand. So I would have to say that those are negative experiences for me.

"Oh what a tangled web we weeve,
When first we practice to deceive."

-Sir Walter Scott

Excuses are like....well ya know

I think everyone is guilty of making an excuse at one time or another, sometimes out-right lies and others not exactly a lie but not the whole truth. I am a forgive and forget person, I believe what goes around comes around. There have been times in the past when an excuse was made to me and I knew it was crap, but if it wasn't malicious then I tucked it away in the back of my mind and went on with my day. I try to think about how everyone has issues and give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she made an excuse for blowing off my baby shower because she didn't want to tell me that she got into a fight with her boyfriend. People have reasons for doing what they do whether its good or bad. Eventually, if it continues and gets worse, I will just drop the person (i am no longer friends with the girl who blew off my shower). If we can work it out and improve our relationship then great, but you can't expect people to deal with your crap forever.

EXCuuuuuse ME! Blog 2

While most human beings will engage in making some excuses in their lives, the common Ben Franklin saying “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else,” may be more of a self-fulfilling prophecy for excuse-makers than simply avoidance or laziness. Whether excuses are used to shift blame or improve what others may think about us, it is easier for excuse-makers to live with excuses than living with the fact that they tried something and failed.

Share with us a time when someone has given you an excuse that you know was a lie. How did you know that it wasn't the truth? What verbal/nonverbal cues were there? How did it affect how you percieve that person? Did it affect your relationship in a positive or negative way?

I Agree

I also agree that socioeconomic status is hard to hide from. It's just almost impossible to avoid it because that's what you grow up with. By the time we get to middle school, we already start to see how the different clicks form. That hasn't left my mind since. As an adult, I definitely agree that socioeconomic class has a direct impact on your decision making.

Economic Value

I Feel that social worth is what most of the new people you meet in life judge you on. As a man I never get judged on my gender by anyone I've met, which wouldn't be the same as if I was female, cause females are judged 24/7. I went to alamo heights high school and all the clicks were based off economic value. All the "cool kids" went to each others beach houses, or ranches and were the first to invite others to their parties. Thats just the way I see what effects I've come across myself.

Male vs. Female

I definitely have to agree with a lot of the posts. Gender is, in my opinion, the most important especially on judging. Females are seen more as the weaker ones. For example, there has yet to be a female president in the United States. For some reason, Males and Females are meant to be treated different when in reality we are all human and should be treated equal. Females can be just as successful, stronger (mentally and physically), etc. compared to males.
That main saying, "You hit like a girl!", is what separates the two genders. Yes girls can be weaker physically but mentally, they can totally be so much stronger than guys when it comes to anything just depending on how bad they want it. This debate can go on forever but until then, females will always be seen as the weaker ones instead of just a regular human being.

-Blanca xoxo

Socioeconomic class

Although all four dimensions have profound impacts on the self, in my experiences socioeconomic class has been the dominant factor. None of us have a choice in any of these areas at birth, economic status is the one area that as we grow into adults we have some control of. We cannot conrtrol our race or who we are atracted to; we can change our gender physically, but only if you have the right amount of money. There are poor and rich people in every walk of life. I agree with the aruments that race and gender cannot be hidden, but thats my point. We can hide our socioeconomic class; some people are better than others at it, but usually that consists of people trying to life a champagne life on a beer budget, resulting in more debt. I believe economic status is dominant in our self because our choices directly affect it. It has never been easy to move up in class (down is easier) but it is possible; if you make the right decisions.

Nothing is Ever Easy

Race

I see many of you have argued that gender is the strongest attribute that defines the self. I would agree that it plays a gigantic role in a person's life. But, I believe race affects a person in a stronger way. Since the founding of our country, and even before, it didn't matter so much what gender you were, but if you were of African descent you were a slave. Fast forward to today, Latinos, both male and female, are being discriminated against in states along the southern border. This cultural context plays a strong role in how a person identifies his or herself. The argument was made in class that some people have the ability to hide their race. In my opinion, hiding my race would be the ultimate example of my race defining me. It would affect your every decision. Who you associated with, where you shopped, what you ate in front of others, how you spoke. Nowadays, hiding or changing your gender (outwardly, not internal necessarily) is just a matter of visiting a doctor. Changing your race is impossible.