Test 2 Review

Hey everyone. Here's the review I'm using for our test on Thursday. I'd highly recommend printing it out just in case Professor decides to give us 15 minutes of open book/open notes like our last test. Our last test seemed to be more of an every day application of the things we learned so, keep that in mind. Also, make sure you know the NAMES of things and what they are. In our last test Professor gave an example and asked what it was. (At least to me that's how it was) I'd also recommend flash cards for this reason.

You'll see a couple question marks. These are things that I myself don't know. Feel free to fill me in on what they are. Don't laugh at how my brain works and therefore how I write my review. If you don't understand something, feel free to comment and I'll answer to the best of my abilities. Without further delay, here it is:

1. Love types

· Eros: Powerful, passionate style that blazes to life suddenly and dramatically.

· Storge: Comfortable, even-keeled style based on friendship and compatibility.

· Ludus: Playful, game filled style based on non-commitment. “The Player.”

· Pragama: Practical love, have criteria for partner. Blend of Ludus and Storge styles.

· Mania: Possessive dependent love Experience emotional extremes, passion of Eros with game playing of Ludus.

· Agape: Selfless unconditional love, Forgiving-passion of Eros with the stability of Storge.

2. Gender communication

a. How men and women think:

· Women: Globally, both sides of the brain, always on, quick fire.

· Men: Compartments, nothing box, slow & steady, bottom line

b. How men and women communicate

· Women: Details, hints, changing pitch, give listening cues.

· Men: Headlines, monotone, no listening cues.

c. How to communicate better with men and women

· Women: Speak in headlines, stay one pitch, figure out what compartment he’s in.

· Men: Use details, change up the pitch, give listening clues

3. Conflict resolution

a. Communication styles by Cat & Alexander-think people need to have behavior flexibility

· Relater: Open and Slow. Submits to conflict and wants to be liked. Usually in helping professions. Makes office homey. Good listeners.

· Thinker: Closed and Slow. Avoids conflict and likes to be right. Tends to be analytical and stubborn. Has a sterile work place. Likes to think things through and research them. Is detail orientated. Has conservative, repetitive clothing style.

· Socializer: Open and Fast. Confronts conflict and wants to be noticed. Tend to be unorganized, but know where everything is. Has trendy clothes and a flashy car. Is spontaneous.

· Director: Closed and Fast. Directs in conflict and likes to be productive. Is very task orientated. Likes big status objects in office (big desk and chair)-status conscious. Blunt/insensitive.

b. When relating to each other: (Imagine picture and it’s easy)

· Relater-thinker: close it off. Relater-Socializer: speed it up. Relater-director: Close and speed up.

· Thinker-Relater: Open up. Thinker-Socializer: Open and Speed up. Thinker-Director: speed up.

· Socializer-Director: Close. Socializer-Relater: Slow down. Socializer-Thinker: close and slow down.

· Director-Relater: Open up & slow down Director –Thinker: Slow down. Director-Socializer: Speed up.

4. Attraction

a. Attraction theory-We’re attracted because of 3 things

1. Physical (Appearances)

2. Similarities (Personality, likes & dislikes)

3. Proximity (We can’t be attracted to someone we don’t interact with)

b. The Brain in Love

· Dopamine

· Women’s testosterone rises so they stop running “you caught me”

· Men’s testosterone lowers

c. Love Addiction

5. Stages of a relationship

a. Knapp Model of Communication: The three circles with stairs inside them.

· Coming together: (3 steps up)

1. Initiating-first meeting

2. Experimenting-getting to know each other.

3. Intensifying-adding more breadth and depth.

· Relationship Maintenance: (2 steps up, 2 steps down)

4. Integrating-combining friends, hobbies... etc.

5. Bonding-?

6. Differentiating-doing things apart

7. Circumscribing-doing more things apart.

· Separating: (3 steps down)

8. Stagnating-relationship isn’t going anywhere

9. Avoiding-avoiding each other

10. Termination-relationship over.

b. Relationship Development Theories

· Social exchange theory: Do the costs outweigh the rewards?

-Costs=time, money -Rewards=love, attention.

· Interpersonal needs theory: If one fails the other two compensate. 3 points: 1. Affection-desire to be loved/validated 2. Inclusion-people feel the need to be included/belong 3. Control-control over our environment and have a sense of order.

· Equity theory: Take off social exchange. Are the costs and rewards equal?

My costs = Their costs

My rewards = Their rewards

· Social penetration theory: “Shrek Theory”-we all have layers. Uses breadth and depth.

-High breadth and low depth=superficial

-Low breadth and high depth=focused (like on gamming or work)

-High breadth and high depth=deep relationship

· Physical arousal theory: Whenever were physically aroused (not necessarily sexually) we equate that to the person we’re with. (smell of fresh baked cookies at grandmas house, or endorphins-aka happiness-from jumping out of a plain with a friend)

c. Intimacy

· Reasons to maintain a relationship

1. Emotional Attachment

2. Convenience

3. Children

4. Fear

5. Financial considerations

6. Inertia-?

7. Commitment

· Maintenance behaviors

1. Prosocial-politeness, avoiding criticism, comprise, self-sacrifice

2. Ceremonial-birthdays, anniversaries

3. Communication-calling just to say “I love you,” open and honest discussions, resolving conflicts in a positive manner

4. Togetherness-being a couple, controlling extra-relational activities (date night)

d.Deterioration

1. Stages

· Breakdown-Experiencing dissatisfaction

· Intrapsychic- privately complaining to others

· Dyadic-discussing problems with your partner

· Social-seeking support and empathy from others

· grave-dressing-creating a story and closure rituals

2. Signs of deterioration

a. Criticism-instead of merely complaining, the person attacks and blames their partner’s personality and/or character. Such as, “You’re selfish.”

b. Contempt-feedback with the intent to insult and/or psychologically abuse the partner. Such as, “You’re more than stupid, you’re a total idiot.”

c. Defensiveness-not being willing to listen to anything your partner has to say to you, out of fear of them hurting or attacking you.

d. Stonewalling-ignoring, avoiding, and distancing from your partner

e. Escalation of Negativity-during the couples’ interaction-an increase in complaining and criticism

f. Invalidation of each other-not making attempts to understand each other’s points of view.

g. Negative interpretation of neutral or positive events-when one person does or says something which is clearly meant to be neutral or even positive, but their partner interprets their intentions as being hostile or negative

e. Dissolution- Indirect and Direct Break-up strategies

ii. Indirect

1. Withdrawal-avoid, don’t answer phone/emails/knock on door

2. Psuedo De-Escalation-fake “Lets take a break” or “I need some space”

3. Cost Escalation-raise the cost of being in the relationship and lower the rewards

iii. Direct

1. Negative Identity-better off alone, something’s wrong with you (culture, religion)

2. Positive Tone-“It’s not you, it’s me”

3. Justification- Only positive strategy-honest, give reasons for separating

4. De-Escalation-Sincere “Lets be friends”

f. Getting over a break-up

iv. Break the loneliness-depression cycle

v. Take time out-don’t jump into another relationship

vi. Remove or avoid uncomfortable symbols

vii. Avoid repeating negative patterns (like visiting place you went together)

g. High risk factors for relationships

· Age-Male 9 years or more older/marry before 25-twice as likely to divorce

· Children-same or previous relationship-20% gets divorced. Or if the women wants them more.

· Divorce-16% of couples whose parents got divorced get divorced themselves. 10% stay together.

· Previous marriages-90% more likely to divorce if on 2^nd or 3^rd marriage

· Money-16% who considered themselves “poor” or if the husband was unemployed ended up separating. Only 9% who were financially healthy get divorced. Wife’s employment status didn’t matter.

· Smoking-One smokes, one doesn’t. If both smoked it was alright.

h. Intercultural Communication

· Culture- Beliefs, values, norms

· Enculturation-passed down from generation to generation

· Acculturation-learned from environment & being exposed to other cultures

· Specifically-?

Good luck!

-Audrey

Disclaimer: I'm not responsible if this information is wrong or if you fail your test. This is simply what *I* am using. Having said that, I didn't try to screw you over. If you get screwed over then I will be also.