Break ups are usually messy. Your book doesn't talk about all of the tug-of-wars that happen after dissolution. (Getting back together over and over, trying to be "friends", jealousy when you see them with someone new, etc.) During this time, it's difficult to know when the relationship is completely over and it's time to move on. Share with us your thoughts and experiences on this whole "after the dissolution" phase. How do you know when it's REALLY over? When do you stop trying to rekindle the fire? When do you know that you're ready to move on?
From Alice
ReplyDeleteIt depends on why the relationship failed and what type of person you were involved with that plays into how you handle a break up.
Different people have different styles. I believe in a clean break.
I try not to hurt the other person, I seclude myself for a while, I give it time to "go away". I don't go to the same places when we were together. I go somewhere else to eat, movies, other malls, etc.
I don't want someone to bother me with, "I know why you left", your girlfriends, your sister didn't like me, another man, etc". Some people will have all sorts of reasons, they will rationalize why they need to speak/ see you again.
For me, if it's over, it's over. bye.
I really think it's important him to be okay. That part can be a little tricky, I have to make sure not to "talk him down" to his buddy's , co-worker's, without appearing that I am still interested.
There may not be love, but I would like for there to always be respect in my relationships. I try to leave with the opinion that I am a good person, he still is a good person, we are just not good together.
In all honesty it depends on the person and situation. If the break up was dreadful then it tends to be very harsh and after the break up there is some tension. Sometimes she doesn't make it noticeable that she's hurt or care's in which case i would probably blow it off as well. But after a while I just kind of separated my feelings during a relationship and after. When I am with my significant other it is fine and will be subject to falling in love, but during the whole relationship I am always ready for the worst. This may make me hard to pull through with in a relationship. But after it is over, I continue my life as normal and shrug off any bad past. I am even willing to accept my ex as a friend but the choice is always hers.
ReplyDeleteI'd have to say that I really agree with both Alice and Javier. It really does depend on the kind of relationship you were in, the person you were in the relationship with, and what caused the relationship to fail. Alice said exactly what I do when dealing with a break-up: "I try to leave with the opinion that I am a good person, he still is a good person, we are just not good together."
ReplyDeleteI'll admit that my first break-up was the toughest: my parents did not like the guy I was seeing so they intervened and broke us up. We had no choice since we were only 17. It was a nice relationship while it lasted. We were each others' first relationship, kiss, and love. We had a lot in common. I think it was so hard because we didn't end things on our terms. It was forced. We are still good (but distant) friends today.
My second break-up was obnoxiously MESSY! It was absolutely horrible. Again, we broke up due to family matters (not the tv show haha). Only this time, it was reversed. The family didn't like that I lived in a "nicer" neighborhood than them, so they did everything in their power to drive me away. Long story short: It was definitely a BLESSING in disguise!
My third and last break-up wasn't as hard for me to get over. I was sad, but mostly I was just pissed. He broke up with me, seriously out of no where, through a text message. WOW!!! Don't need to say much more about that...
haha Javier is right... I do always write "books" :P
I think you really know it's over when you no longer feel like trying. If you don't have it in your heart to give a little effort, then the whole deal is off. Now, that is on your side. If you feel the other person has given up, and you've done all the talking you can do to try to change their mind, just do your best not to be stalker. Being friends, in my opinion, is an option with slim to no chances. Once you've fallen out of love with a person, or had someone fall out of love with you, it's tough to be around them. You may not hate them, but their presence tends to bring an uneasy feeling.
ReplyDeletebreaking up is official when you are sick of seeing their face and the noises that come out of it. im not very good at breaking up, but they tend to get the message once i start talking to them in nothing but broken spanish. usually your subconscious tells you the answer, when you see their name on your phone as it vibrates and you get whatever feeling in your stomach, thats a pretty good measure of how you feel about them.
ReplyDeleteI think evreyone is agreed that it is very circumstantial. but for me if the thought of being with them never makes you happy you should probably end it. there will always be snags and stale times in long relationships, it isn't smart to end it without proper consideration. a relationship without happiness is not a good place to be.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was new on the dating scene, I always had this idea that if me and a boyfriend broke up that was it... no way there would ever be a "getting back together" I always felt that if fate separated you then that's how it was supposed to be. No TRYING necessary. But now, on my 15 boyfriend and 3rd serious relationship I had a change of heart. It took breaking up for my current relationship to be stronger than ever. Cosmo magazine once said... that in order for a relationship to last a life time, you must fall to pieces once in a while. I think if its over for good you'll know. Even if it is just half of the relationship that knows, its over.
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