Its Over...cuz its OVER!

I agree with what most of what all of you said, It most definately depends on the person and the situation. I think that break ups mostly occur due to the fact that each of the individuals aren't 100% sure of the relationship anymore, naturally distance happens and several diverse factors follow.

Personally my break ups have been horrible except for like one which was a misunderstanding. As most of you know I have the crazy stalker guy that clearly didn't handle the break up too well, then the next break up was caused by a misunderstanding where this girl that worked with my bf at the time set him up to make it look like he had cheated on, therefore causing me to walking in and throw an amazing relationship down the drain...good news is that after about at year (haha)both him and I were able to become good friends and have become the best of friends today.

My last break up was completely and utterly horrid!!! Long story short, I end up rushed to the ER can't walk for three days next thing I knw he's having sex with my "best friend" and I find out thru a mutual friend that 80% of the relationship was bs...Thank God I broke that off in time!! And people wonder why I have trust issues...

When is it over?

I would have to say that I know its over when one or the other starts dating comfortably. I would hate to think that an ex was just cut off by the other because the relationship is over. I would say that there is a sense of responsibility that I have towards someone who has spent so much time letting their gaurd down for me. To just have them cast aside and not provide ANY emotional recovery period until they are comfortable out there is not with in my character. Now, does that work for everyone, no. And trust me, its not always a joy to be the first one to get that call about the new love interest, but I'd pick up the phone everytime.

I know its finally over when...

I tend to trust my senses on this one.

Generally once I go completely indifferent to someone, and my senses don't crave the stimuli that she produced, I know its over. If I can still remember her touch, or just randomly smell her for no reason I know that I'm still not completely over her. Yes, everyone has a unique smell to them, and you do tend to remember that smell. And yes, I do realize that sounds weird.

You know when you know

There are multiplies reasons you know a relationship is over but the one reason I’m going to give is when you and the other person have nothing in common anymore. When you or the other person is not the same people you were when you first got together you know it’s time to end the relationship. For me I know when it’s time to stop trying to rekindle the fire when the other person stops wanting to be your friend because you still want to be friends but it’s the other person that doesn’t want to have an intimate relationship with you. I think you know when to move on when that other person is no longer a priority in your life.

Options

If you're still in love with them:

Option 1: I think your best bet is to judge how your partner is feeling about the relationship. If they're blowing you off and don't care about it any more, then it's time to move on even if it will hurt.

Option 2: If your partner still loves you and wants to make it work, then give it another try! Rekindle away! If you both want your relationship to work, and are willing to do your part, it will most likely succeed.

If you're not in love with them any more:

Option 1: If your partner doesn't love you, want to spend time with you, or talk to you any more then there's no point in trying again. You've both basically started to move on. It's time to jump off that wagon. The ship has set sail.

Option 2: If your partner still loves you, but you don't love them in return. This is hardest of all for me. I think your best bet is looking at the relationship honestly. Yeah, you're gonna hurt your partner, but if you really see no future in that relationship, then treat it like a band-aid. Rip it off and let it be done with. It will only hurt them more the longer you let it go on.

When am I ready to move on?

After a break up I don't think anyone is really "ready" to move on. Unless, of course, you're the one who ended it. For me, I try to get closure in the relationship. Closure meaning you talk about what went wrong, why it's not working, why you need to separate. I'm kind of a logical person, so it helps knowing. However, I'm not trying to rekindle here. If you had a nasty break up and getting closure ends up being more of talking it out, then you could get back together when things are solved. Usually though, once they leave.. they mean it. So, don't think that talking it out will suddenly change their mind. It's purely a strategy to help you move on.

For girls at least, we like to talk about it with a friend, cry it out, and those sorts of things. The biggest part of knowing if you're ready to move on is if you've accepted it. If you're still trying to get back together, then chances are you're not ready. However, you can accept it and still not be ready to move on. It's hard to say, "This means you're ready." It's more of a personal thing. Some characteristics I would associate with being ready are: acceptance, closure, realizing you're still worth something without that person, flirting with new potential partners.. etc.

-Audrey

It's Over......Maybe?- POST 7

Break ups are usually messy. Your book doesn't talk about all of the tug-of-wars that happen after dissolution. (Getting back together over and over, trying to be "friends", jealousy when you see them with someone new, etc.) During this time, it's difficult to know when the relationship is completely over and it's time to move on. Share with us your thoughts and experiences on this whole "after the dissolution" phase. How do you know when it's REALLY over? When do you stop trying to rekindle the fire? When do you know that you're ready to move on?

Self-Esteem

Why do people become love addicts? I'd say it's mostly a self-esteem issue. People who are love addicts need someone to be with them, care for them, show affection, and make them feel worth something.

On the other hand, people with high self-esteem tend to understand love is not everything. These kinds of people understand who they are and do not need someone to hold them up. They're confident. Because of this, they are able to see love as something not necessary. Yes, it's wonderful, but not "I'm falling to pieces without someone."

make love not war

i am slightly prone to love addiction, i believe that it is better to have a little addition to love than to not love at all. it is a matter of control that is important, as it is with any drug. i think that some people may develop love addiction because of neglect as a child but that is not always true. i was shown alot of love and affection as a child and maybe that taste for love stayed with me. yes, i need it. whether it is with a romantic partner or family or friends or even loving myself. love is very important in our world and there is just not enough of it. when i was in my worst love addiction i was determined to love him whether he was mine or not. and he always knew even though we werent together i would always be there for him if he needed me.

Loving is not a crime!

Love is like a drug and people become addicted to drugs so a love addict feels like they could not live without love. However, I think that when you are in true love with someone you'll never find that same feeling with anybody else. You can come close to that feeling but it will never be the same. When people say they have never been in love they are either lying to you or holding the truth from you because experiencing love is the most powerful feeling ever known to man that nobody will ever forget.

I do believe that the actual chemicals that are released in your brain are a matter of biology. Love can make a person do crazy things; things that he or she would not do if they were in their right mind. I think that if love can make you do things that you will not normally do, then "yes" I would say that love is a biological factor.

Non-Addict

I think that people are love addicted have either been rejected in their childhoods and haven't been showed affection therefore they'll do nearly anything to get it to the point to where it becomes obbessive, they feel like the attention from their partner is essential to everyday living. I like to think that self esteem, attachment styles and prbly all of those factors can cause love addiction. Love addiction can also be a very dangerous and sad state in which a person can find themselves. A word of caution: Be careful who you fall for...

Post 6- Why Is Love A Drug For Some?

Love Addict Test  

Take the self-quiz at the link above and see if you are a love addict.  Now that we know that love creates dopamine in the brain similar to many drugs like cocaine and meth, we can now understand how many can become addicted to being in love.

Why do you think some people fall in love and become love addicts while others fall in love but do not?  Do you think that it's a matter of biology? Life scripts? Attachment styles? Self-esteem? etc.

I agree that love can exist with out lust. Both I feel play major roles in intimacy. I think it is important, if looking for meaningful relationships, that love be established. I would have to say from experience though, that lust is a very impatient participant when started a new love with someone. This can be a fun ride, but if not taken seriously can ultimately lead to menial relationships.

Love is complicated, Lust is simple

Love is complicated. It is putting their wants and needs before your own. It is the fighting and the making up. Love is accepting each others differences. Lust is simple. There is nothing to accept you just get what you want and be on your way. There are no strings attached. But loving someone is adding them to the definition of who you are and it changes you forever.

Love, Lust, or Both...

To answer to the first question, can a human being love without the impulse of lust, is yes a person can love without lust.

In order to love someone you have to understand what the definition of love is. There is no exact definition of love but I think the definition giving in the bible is fairly accurate to me. It states,

"Love is patient, love is kind, love is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, love is unconditional and one does not expect love in return, love does not cause any kind of aggravation, love does not judge you on the wrong you have done, love is pure and rejoices with the truth. Love believes all these things, hopes for the best, and endures all."

However, you can lust and love at the same time. It really just depends on the individual that is doing the loving.

Love, Lust, or.. Both?

Many people confuse love and lust, but they are actually very different. And yet they are also intertwined so much it's just about impossible to have one without the other in a successful relationship. They both work together to form a beautiful lasting bond. Without love, one would end their relationship at the first sign of trouble. It's not worth it for one to live through stress with no connection to the other. Without lust, one would be unable to satisfy a basic human desire and therefore be unhappy with their relationship. Here are a couple characteristics of each:

Lust:

• You're totally focused on their looks and body.
• You don't care about anything they have to say.
• You don't want to spend time with them outside of the bedroom.
• After you're finished, you look for the easiest way to leave. No cuddling, no breakfast the next morning, just "I gotta go."

Love:

• You make time for the person and include them in your plans.
• You get lost in your conversations, and the hours pass like minutes.
• You introduce them to others close to you and do your best to help them get along.
• And the biggest one to me: You see a future together.

What is LOVE????

I read this from one of my students and thought that this would be a great blog topic, so have at it...

Can a human being experience love without the impulse of lust?  Lust here meaning the craving for sex.  How does one know when they are in love and not just having a deceptive feeling of lust?  Sex is a natural thing- it helps in keeping a species alive.  Human beings are animals that need to reproduce as well.  On the other hand, we are rational beings and experience sentiment and rationality.  In order to know that difference between both, both must be defined.  So the real question is....what is LOVE????  And how can you tell if someone is in love with you and not just lusting after you?

No luck...

Pick up lines were like the excuses I used in middle school... I only had a few good ones, and it was hit and miss if either ever worked. But for my young men in the class ----(Ladies, no peeking.)----
Women love flattering!

Um yeah...

Well I'm proud to say that’s I have never used a cheesy pick up line. That isn’t to say I have never heard them like on TV and on Movies. However, I have never been fortunate enough to hear one in person. If I were to hear one in real life I probably would start laughing uncontrollably.
I know it’s childish, but I have someone check and see if I would be liked. That way I’m almost guaranteed not to get shot down, but in life there are no guarantee’s in life. Say the girl thinks you’re cute, but you meet and there is no chemistry between you.
Yet, the way I think girls like best is approach her with confidence, be truthful but respectful, and don't trip over your words. When I say don't trip over your words, is know what you're going to say, and say it with confidence.

The Pick-Up Artist Blog Post # 4

Studies show that we have approximately 4 minutes in the contact stage to make a good impression.   And based on that first impression, many of us make up our minds on whether or not we want to pursue the relationship to the next level or just remain acquaintances.

Share with us your favorite pick-up lines (funny, serious, cheesy, etc).  From your own experiences, do they work?  What do you think is the best "pick-up" strategy? (Leave a green dangly earring behind? Put your phone number in their phone?)  Let's see what you can come up with!