I started existing in flux....

To avoid building up scars.

Honestly in order to get over the fear of commitment you just have to nut up and walk tall after a devastating break up. If something doesn't kill you, walk it off.

Is anyone else up for keeping this blog going as a place to just talk about random crap?

thoughts of a girl..

Our last blog.. it seems like this class went by so fast. Kudos to Professor Wilking. A great last blog topic and an amazing teacher. I'm in a very nostalgic mood, so forgive my long blog. I don't expect many of you to read it or think I know what I'm talking about, but this is my experience with relationships, knowledge, and advice I have to share with anyone who is willing to listen to this 17-year-old girl.

A year ago the most meaningful relationship I've had came to an end. I'd been with him for over a year and I messed it up. We were.. so amazing together. Everything flowed perfectly, we understood each other, made it through family and other issues together, and were really in sync. Conversations.. just happened. There was no thinking about what to say, worrying about being rejected, or any other issues that usually happen. We talked things out and made solutions that worked for both of us. I've never felt so connected to someone before him or sense. When it ended I wen't through everything described in our blog topic. "It can leave one emotionally immobilized, stagnated, depressed and lead to self-destructive, self-defeating irrational behaviors, and regression." Saying I was extremely hurt and broken was an understatement. I realize it's stupid to get that attached to someone at a young age, but I was nonetheless. It's also stupid that thinking about this still brings up a lump in my throat.. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I know first hand how ending a meaningful relationship can effect someone.

Even though I went through that, and it still hurts a bit, my view on relationships and life is as Steven Coallier said, "Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway." Life is too short to be sad. It really, really is. Relationships are beautiful. Their fun, exciting, supportive, and amazing. So, jump in and don't look back. Whenever you fall in love, you give your heart to someone and with that comes pain. It's going to happen, so enjoy every moment you have while it lasts. And that's all I have to say.

Cheers everyone.

Good luck wherever your life my take you.

Audrey Elizabeth

Dear Room 229- Last Blog (10)

We have spent the last semester exploring all facets of interpersonal communication together.  Now it's your turn to offer some advice on the subject.  Life's many complexities leaves many scars. The fear of rejection and commitment is a common scar left after the ending of a meaningful relationship. It can leave one emotionally immobilized, stagnated, depressed and lead to self-destructive, self-defeating irrational behaviors, and regression. Share with us, how you think one can learn to overcome their fear of commitment and rejection and be open again to engage in current and future relationships.

Gang Affiliation

This is one of the more detrimental examples. Especially when you are growing up in households that offer no means of stability, identity, safety, or inclusion. Usually young boys, of similar situations will bond together and create synthetic versions of these missing elements. Because these children have no real experience or guidelines for creating their rules and the discipline to follow them, usually an outsider is seen as a threat. Also, because boundaries are never established and because the pecking order changes constantly, those outsiders are usually treated with the maturity of pissed off teenagers. I guess that's kind of the only group think I had experience with.

Groupthink

One main Groupthink situation I can think of is the History of a lot of religious sects, most notably Christianity and its adherents. It has a history of having a huge following and one of the main reasons of that was because they were not allowed to believe in other gods or no gods. You would be put on trial for heresy if you were atheist or had different views and/or ideas. For example, Galileo was charged with heresy for supporting heliocentric views which led to him being put under house arrest. Another example is Socrates. He was killed for being suspected in teaching people of gods different from that of the state. He claimed he believed in the same ones and stated his point but was still charged with heresy which led to his execution. In these era's people were basically forced to think or believe (or act to think or believe) in the same thing as the rest of the state or country. In order to prevent leading to Groupthink situations I believe you need people to be independent and sturdy. They need to have a mind that isn't completely passive and can actually think for its self and not let others think for it. They need to be able to come up with their own ideas.

Groupthink: Homeschool

My example is a first hand observation. As some of you know, I was home schooled from 7th grade until the end of high school. I participated in a home school group that would have activities for home schooled children and teens. Some of these kids fit the typical home schooled stereo type. They were very sheltered and had limited social skills. I think this can be attributed to a type of groupthink. The parents keep their family in a tight group, instill their values, and don't expose their children to anything else often.

To avoid groupthink people should make sure their exposed to different social experiences. Make new friends.. become acculturated basically. Don't hang out with the same group of friends over and over.. go out with different people. Learn about different perspectives. Be an individual. Make up your own mind.

Cheers,

Audrey

Groupthink vs. What you think?

Hitler and his Nazi regime is a good example of Groupthink in a extreme way. The reason this is a good example is because he promised the German people that he could help them reach the best possible way out of their crisis. It wasn't long after he was voted into office he started his regime. He took advantage of his people's weak state of mind to abused his power turning the German nation from a democratic nation to something smiler to a dictatorship. Having this power he wanted to wipe out every citizen who wasn't blond haired and blue eyed and started to kill off millions of Jewish people. This situation relates to Groupthink is because he influenced all the people in the nation to believe in his ideals.

As human beings I don't really think that it is possible to avoid Groupthink all together because we trust in one person to represent the whole nation (i.e. our congressmen). One way to avoid Groupthink all together is to not put yourself in a position where Groupthink is happening. However, I know that not putting yourself in that position of Groupthink is easier said then done, but I think that some Groupthink is healthy for every individual. Although some group is healthy for every individual, the only thing I can think of is to not put yourself in a bad position of Groupthink.

ARE 3 HEADS REALLY BETTER THAN 1? Blog 9

In the movie we are watching in class "Failure to Launch", Trip and his buddies are in their mid 30s and all still live at home with their parents.  Some may argue that one of the reasons for their "failure to launch" is because of Groupthink.  The term Groupthink was coined by social psychologist Irving Janis (1972). It is when a group makes faulty decisions because group pressures lead to a deterioration of “mental efficiency, reality testing, and moral judgment”.  Groups affected by groupthink ignore alternatives and tend to take irrational actions that dehumanize other groups. A group is especially vulnerable to groupthink when its members are similar in background, when the group is insulated from outside opinions, and when there are no clear rules for decision making. It is like peer pressure on steriods.

Share another example of Groupthink in action that you know from history, personal experience or observation. Because we are social beings, we are all prone to Groupthink. What might we do to prevent becoming prey to the power of Groupthink?

Diverrsity in my workplace...

I work in the Peer Educator office, and we have two unique indivuidals working with us in our office.
The two are always bumping heads because the differences between them two are by a very wide margin. One of the two is from Jamaica and the other is from the Kansas City. There are many differences between them, but for this situation I will be concentrating on tone of voice and differences in value and eitquette.
The one from Jamaica is real religious, and the other one from Kansas City is religious but he does not take it as seriously as the other one does.
They're both very out-spoken and likes to voice his oppinion a lot. When the two hear something they disagree with, it tends to piss off the other person. Heated discussions are started, and it eventually leads them not to talk to one another and it forces us their co-workers to choice sides.
She kind of bothers everyone around her, but we have to learn to ignore her comments.

Room 229: DIVERSITY IN THE WORKPLACE- BLOG 8

Language barriers I find are a big part of diversity. I just finished my student Development class the Saturday before last, there was a Portuguese girl at my table and in a 9 hr class I knew we were gonna have to work together and talk. So I started to talk to her and she had a surprisingly good English, just with a really hard accent. At first it was hard to talk to here and understand what she was saying but toward the end of the class we had to take a exam and we could talk throughout my table. I was glad that I decided to talk to her and hang out during the class rather than clustering with other people in the class who would be easier to relate to. So when the Exam rolled around I had already been talking to her, I could understand her accent in her English and it really made the group exam easier than if I would have just started talking to her towards the end.

DIVERSITY IN THE WORKPLACE- BLOG 8

Studies show that 52% of people perfer to work with people like themselves. This begs the question, "What about diversity in the workplace?" Since most of us cannot choose who we will have to communicate with at work, how do we navigate through the complexities of a multicultural workplace? The top 4 diversity issues that cause problems are:

1. Language Differences
2. Differences in Values and Etiquette
3. Tone of voice
4. "Clustering" (hanging out with others from similar backgrounds)

Post an example of how a difference in one of these areas has caused a misunderstanding due to diversity. Offer some suggestions on how you think communication between people from diverse backgrounds can relate better to each other.

Test 2 Review

Hey everyone. Here's the review I'm using for our test on Thursday. I'd highly recommend printing it out just in case Professor decides to give us 15 minutes of open book/open notes like our last test. Our last test seemed to be more of an every day application of the things we learned so, keep that in mind. Also, make sure you know the NAMES of things and what they are. In our last test Professor gave an example and asked what it was. (At least to me that's how it was) I'd also recommend flash cards for this reason.

You'll see a couple question marks. These are things that I myself don't know. Feel free to fill me in on what they are. Don't laugh at how my brain works and therefore how I write my review. If you don't understand something, feel free to comment and I'll answer to the best of my abilities. Without further delay, here it is:

1. Love types

· Eros: Powerful, passionate style that blazes to life suddenly and dramatically.

· Storge: Comfortable, even-keeled style based on friendship and compatibility.

· Ludus: Playful, game filled style based on non-commitment. “The Player.”

· Pragama: Practical love, have criteria for partner. Blend of Ludus and Storge styles.

· Mania: Possessive dependent love Experience emotional extremes, passion of Eros with game playing of Ludus.

· Agape: Selfless unconditional love, Forgiving-passion of Eros with the stability of Storge.

2. Gender communication

a. How men and women think:

· Women: Globally, both sides of the brain, always on, quick fire.

· Men: Compartments, nothing box, slow & steady, bottom line

b. How men and women communicate

· Women: Details, hints, changing pitch, give listening cues.

· Men: Headlines, monotone, no listening cues.

c. How to communicate better with men and women

· Women: Speak in headlines, stay one pitch, figure out what compartment he’s in.

· Men: Use details, change up the pitch, give listening clues

3. Conflict resolution

a. Communication styles by Cat & Alexander-think people need to have behavior flexibility

· Relater: Open and Slow. Submits to conflict and wants to be liked. Usually in helping professions. Makes office homey. Good listeners.

· Thinker: Closed and Slow. Avoids conflict and likes to be right. Tends to be analytical and stubborn. Has a sterile work place. Likes to think things through and research them. Is detail orientated. Has conservative, repetitive clothing style.

· Socializer: Open and Fast. Confronts conflict and wants to be noticed. Tend to be unorganized, but know where everything is. Has trendy clothes and a flashy car. Is spontaneous.

· Director: Closed and Fast. Directs in conflict and likes to be productive. Is very task orientated. Likes big status objects in office (big desk and chair)-status conscious. Blunt/insensitive.

b. When relating to each other: (Imagine picture and it’s easy)

· Relater-thinker: close it off. Relater-Socializer: speed it up. Relater-director: Close and speed up.

· Thinker-Relater: Open up. Thinker-Socializer: Open and Speed up. Thinker-Director: speed up.

· Socializer-Director: Close. Socializer-Relater: Slow down. Socializer-Thinker: close and slow down.

· Director-Relater: Open up & slow down Director –Thinker: Slow down. Director-Socializer: Speed up.

4. Attraction

a. Attraction theory-We’re attracted because of 3 things

1. Physical (Appearances)

2. Similarities (Personality, likes & dislikes)

3. Proximity (We can’t be attracted to someone we don’t interact with)

b. The Brain in Love

· Dopamine

· Women’s testosterone rises so they stop running “you caught me”

· Men’s testosterone lowers

c. Love Addiction

5. Stages of a relationship

a. Knapp Model of Communication: The three circles with stairs inside them.

· Coming together: (3 steps up)

1. Initiating-first meeting

2. Experimenting-getting to know each other.

3. Intensifying-adding more breadth and depth.

· Relationship Maintenance: (2 steps up, 2 steps down)

4. Integrating-combining friends, hobbies... etc.

5. Bonding-?

6. Differentiating-doing things apart

7. Circumscribing-doing more things apart.

· Separating: (3 steps down)

8. Stagnating-relationship isn’t going anywhere

9. Avoiding-avoiding each other

10. Termination-relationship over.

b. Relationship Development Theories

· Social exchange theory: Do the costs outweigh the rewards?

-Costs=time, money -Rewards=love, attention.

· Interpersonal needs theory: If one fails the other two compensate. 3 points: 1. Affection-desire to be loved/validated 2. Inclusion-people feel the need to be included/belong 3. Control-control over our environment and have a sense of order.

· Equity theory: Take off social exchange. Are the costs and rewards equal?

My costs = Their costs

My rewards = Their rewards

· Social penetration theory: “Shrek Theory”-we all have layers. Uses breadth and depth.

-High breadth and low depth=superficial

-Low breadth and high depth=focused (like on gamming or work)

-High breadth and high depth=deep relationship

· Physical arousal theory: Whenever were physically aroused (not necessarily sexually) we equate that to the person we’re with. (smell of fresh baked cookies at grandmas house, or endorphins-aka happiness-from jumping out of a plain with a friend)

c. Intimacy

· Reasons to maintain a relationship

1. Emotional Attachment

2. Convenience

3. Children

4. Fear

5. Financial considerations

6. Inertia-?

7. Commitment

· Maintenance behaviors

1. Prosocial-politeness, avoiding criticism, comprise, self-sacrifice

2. Ceremonial-birthdays, anniversaries

3. Communication-calling just to say “I love you,” open and honest discussions, resolving conflicts in a positive manner

4. Togetherness-being a couple, controlling extra-relational activities (date night)

d.Deterioration

1. Stages

· Breakdown-Experiencing dissatisfaction

· Intrapsychic- privately complaining to others

· Dyadic-discussing problems with your partner

· Social-seeking support and empathy from others

· grave-dressing-creating a story and closure rituals

2. Signs of deterioration

a. Criticism-instead of merely complaining, the person attacks and blames their partner’s personality and/or character. Such as, “You’re selfish.”

b. Contempt-feedback with the intent to insult and/or psychologically abuse the partner. Such as, “You’re more than stupid, you’re a total idiot.”

c. Defensiveness-not being willing to listen to anything your partner has to say to you, out of fear of them hurting or attacking you.

d. Stonewalling-ignoring, avoiding, and distancing from your partner

e. Escalation of Negativity-during the couples’ interaction-an increase in complaining and criticism

f. Invalidation of each other-not making attempts to understand each other’s points of view.

g. Negative interpretation of neutral or positive events-when one person does or says something which is clearly meant to be neutral or even positive, but their partner interprets their intentions as being hostile or negative

e. Dissolution- Indirect and Direct Break-up strategies

ii. Indirect

1. Withdrawal-avoid, don’t answer phone/emails/knock on door

2. Psuedo De-Escalation-fake “Lets take a break” or “I need some space”

3. Cost Escalation-raise the cost of being in the relationship and lower the rewards

iii. Direct

1. Negative Identity-better off alone, something’s wrong with you (culture, religion)

2. Positive Tone-“It’s not you, it’s me”

3. Justification- Only positive strategy-honest, give reasons for separating

4. De-Escalation-Sincere “Lets be friends”

f. Getting over a break-up

iv. Break the loneliness-depression cycle

v. Take time out-don’t jump into another relationship

vi. Remove or avoid uncomfortable symbols

vii. Avoid repeating negative patterns (like visiting place you went together)

g. High risk factors for relationships

· Age-Male 9 years or more older/marry before 25-twice as likely to divorce

· Children-same or previous relationship-20% gets divorced. Or if the women wants them more.

· Divorce-16% of couples whose parents got divorced get divorced themselves. 10% stay together.

· Previous marriages-90% more likely to divorce if on 2^nd or 3^rd marriage

· Money-16% who considered themselves “poor” or if the husband was unemployed ended up separating. Only 9% who were financially healthy get divorced. Wife’s employment status didn’t matter.

· Smoking-One smokes, one doesn’t. If both smoked it was alright.

h. Intercultural Communication

· Culture- Beliefs, values, norms

· Enculturation-passed down from generation to generation

· Acculturation-learned from environment & being exposed to other cultures

· Specifically-?

Good luck!

-Audrey

Disclaimer: I'm not responsible if this information is wrong or if you fail your test. This is simply what *I* am using. Having said that, I didn't try to screw you over. If you get screwed over then I will be also.